Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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