we have officially lost it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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