I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
