He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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