Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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