Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
