You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
