My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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