he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
