Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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