So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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