The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
