Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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