I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
