when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
