I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
