I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
