Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
