dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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