Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
