Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Found your dick twin last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
