I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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