Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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