it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
