I think my fart just growled at me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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