Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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