i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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