I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
