Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
