oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize