Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
