You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
