i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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