i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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