While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
