Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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