Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize