alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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