Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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