i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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