So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
