$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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