so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
