At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
