she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
