Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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