2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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