i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
