you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
