when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
