AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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