whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
