I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
