I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
