i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
