I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
