i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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