Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
