Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
