Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
