Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
