what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
