Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
