I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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