I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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