May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
