He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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