mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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