New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
