can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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