just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
