My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
