somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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