what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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