It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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