Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
