I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
