i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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