Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
