no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
