jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
