Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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